Contracts and Campers

Hello Homer fans!

I apologies for it been so, uh... long since I write last to, ah, you know... all you. I still real uh... sad, you know? About season eh... ending? But today I settle on, eh... my new, uh—you know, dealings? Have not fear, Homerfans! I will be here in the Joe Louis for, ah... at least another two seasons!

Only one thing weird with, ah... today's goodness: there a small group of, you know... girls? And I think they making, eh... camps on my front yards. They have the, ah... tents, and some bags for sleeping, and Mrs. Homer say they starting, uh... fires for cooking. I think they really glad I stay in Detroit again.

I was gonna call the, ah... you know... police, but they give little Homer children the, ah... treats with chocolates and the Graham's cracker. I wait until after we eat, uh... dinners and I gonna get them to makes treats for me, you know?

I think we, ah... let them stay.

Ask Homer more!

Hello fans of Homer! It very nice to be, ah... back home at Detroit! We win very, you know... excited game last night with, uh... Phoenix, so it very funny for me to write you today! Mrs. Homer and me, we, ah... take the childrens to eat curly fries at, uh... the Arby's when I get home from Hank's hattricks which is nice. I think Hank should be always buying dinner, because, you know... he make more money than I do, and he, ah... don't have his kids yet, for sure.  

Here a few questions that the, ah... fans email to answer by me.

Dear Homer: Your "office" at the Joe is probably your favorite, but do you have a special "office" in any other arena?

--For sure, you know...ah...I feel like we play in Pittsburgh almost as much as we play home...uh, you know...the last few years. I used to like play in Chicago, you know, because Khabibulin and I... ah.. shared office there. You know, I think he didn't... eh... like it as much as, you know... I do.

Dear Homer: Do Swedish fish have bones; and are the bones also made out of candy so I can eat them without worrying?

--You know, ah... Swedish fish... they, uh... aren't fish really. No bones in the Swedish candy that I... uh know. For sure, I think, uh... you're ok to eat whole fishes. I wouldn't worry, you know?

Dear Homer: Do you ask your wife "do these pants make my butt look big?" and then dress for games accordingly?

--For sure, sometime I feel like, ah... my butt look kind of, you know... large. Everyone want to look, ah... you know, nice while they work. Usually, I uh...ask Drapes or, you know... Nick, because my wife, ah... she laugh at me.

Homer: What's your favorite ABBA song to karaoke to?

--Hard to pick, for sure, you know? In Sweden, everybody love ABBA! My favorite is, ah... you know, Dancing Queen, but I no sing it very, eh... good, you know? Sometime at parties, Hank and me... we sing, ah... Fernando. Nick always trying to get me to, ah... sing... with him Mamma Mia, you know... duets? So it hard to pick, for sure. I like them all a lots.

 Dear Homer: What kind of woodworking projects will you be attempting this summer??

--For sure, I don't like to, ah... too own horns, but, uh... I pretty good at working wood. I don't get to do as much as, ah... when I lived home in, you know... Sweden, but I've got some pretty plans for the summer. At home, I make bird house, ah... furniture, and stuffs for Mrs. Homer to use in the house. These are some of the, uh... projects I think doing this year (I hope you likes them!):

Picture frame, for, ah... your pictures, you know? (That not my horse.) 

 

A box for putting uh... jewels in.

A little house, maybe? 

Hoping see everyone tomorrow at the Joe Louis!

Homer! 

Stupid Rumors

Good morning to fans in Detroit and, you know... ah... all over the place!

Yesterday was nice day; ah... weather here in Arizona is, you know... very nice. We get to play our, eh... soccer practicing outside. It, you know... remind me of going out after, ah, lunch... during school... you know, recess? And, you know... there a lots of uh... Wings fans here, so eh... that's real nice to us, too, for sure.

I was on phone before, ah... practice yesterday with friend, you know... at home... and he tell me that, ah... people saying that Blues gonna try to get me, ah... during summer to come play for them, you know... next season? I hope nobody, ah... you know... believe that crap. I not gonna, ah... leave Detroit. I like being, eh... Red Wings, and you know, my family, uh... they like it here a lot, and I get to play with, ah... my best friend Nick, you know? Do they even have, uh... ice festival in St. Louis? And you know, Ozzie tell me that it, uh... really hard to get candy there.

Tonight we have, ah... game two with Phoenix, for sure. Why they throw, you know... rubber snake?

Till next time,

Homer!

Ask Homer

The fans email me a lots of... uhh... questions, so I answer them here now for everyone to read, I think.

Dear Homer: Boxers or Briefs?

From Kris

Dear Kris:

I wear.. uhh... boxers-briefs? They all grey, I think.

Homer: Paper or Plastic?

From Lola

Dear Lola:

I don't... you know... do the food shopping that much, but I think... ahh... in the 80's when the Wings were, uh you know... not so good, the fans they wore plastic bags on their heads. So for sure I say paper now

Homer: Who has the best beard?

From Kris

Hello Again Kris:

Lets see... ah... Cleary got a good one, and Kris Draper because, you know, he look like Chuck Norris and he got a full red thick one going on in the... ah playoffs. Hank has a good one, too. Mine feels just disgusting, but... ahh... you gotta do what you gotta do, you know?

Homer: Do you like Huey Lewis & the News?

From Norm

Hi Norm:

Ahhh... do I like Huey Lewis & the News? Yah, for sure. Uhh... who doesn't, you know? I listen to everything but... ehh... country. I like the big butts song; ahh... “Baby Got Back” I think? Yah, that's a good one, but, uhh... Huey Lewis is good too.

Homer: What is the most dangerous part of having a candy addiction?

From Sara

Hello Sara:

I love candy! I do... ahh... worry sometime that I might choke on my candy during warmups for sure, so I have to be, you know... extra careful. I try to once eat some jolly rancher candy during a game, but... ehh... they kept get stuck in my mouth guard. So... yah, I just gotta be careful to not choke.  

Homer: Why is it that I have nightmares about your backside nearly every day?

From an anonymous NHL goalie

Dear Goalie:

Hehe, Fleury? Is that you?

If you have a question for me, uh, you can leave me a note and... ahh... I'll try to do Q + A again for sure. For now I need to have my oatmeal and sandwich, and get ready for game against, ehh, the Blackhawks.

Till next time,

Homer!